We need to send out a search party. Tony Stewart lost his balls.
When he emerged from the metting this afternoon his tune about NASCAR's cautions changed quicker than his belt size after a big meal. No matter what you read in the paper or on the web here's how the meeting really went.
NC = NASCAR
TS = Tony Stewart
NC - Good to see you Tony, Sit down and shut up.
TS - What?
NC - Who do you think you are?
TS - I'm tony Stewart, The Home Depot and subway guy. Why Don't you know who i am?
NC - Look, you need to shut you mouth about us calling cautions. We call them for a good reason.
TS - Jeff or JR. get a lap down?
NC - That's the answer we expected from you Tony. Dr. Phil, will you please come in here.
Dr. P - Hey Tony. Good race last week. You did really, really well.
TS - Thanks DR. P. (looks at NASCAR) What he doing here?
Dr. P - Tony, NASCAR just wanted me to talk to you about you attutude lately. You seem to be holding some anger. And the way your lashing out it concerns me. what's wrong Tony, did i hit something?
TS - "sniff" No......
Dr. P. - We all need to get along and play by the rules. Everyone is cooperating except you.
TS - "sniff" That's not true. Kyle (Busch) doesn't have to play by the rules. He get to leave races earlie and not get fines, Then Jr. gets to drive his car around the track!
Dr. P. - (speaking in a strick tone) Tony, were gojng to keep you home this weekend if you can not follow the rules and also take away all of your teams toys and
NS - FINE YOU $50,000.00 TOO!
Dr. P. Now NASCAR, you know your not going to fine Tony after all he is a good boy and were really making progress here, (turning to tony and nodding) Arn't we Tony?
TS - "sniff" Ya, i guess we are.......
Dr. P - Now Tony, are you going to go out there and tell everyone that we talked it over and that you now agree with the caution that NASCAR throws?
TS - YA, I guess. But what's in it for me?
NC - Why you little son-of-a BIT
Dr.P. Now Nascar, you need to get along with Tony too. He has a point. If he's going to a good little boy and follow the rules you have to give him something in return.
NC - Fine, what do you want?
TS - To still be able to make fun of Kyle (busch's) pencil neck, big ears and horse teeth on national T.V.
NC - Fine, but do it after the race.
TS - Can i go now? I'm hungry and need to hit McBurgerqueen.
Dr. P. - McBurgeerQueen?
TS - Ya, McDonalds 1st, Then Burger King on the way to Dairy Queen. A mans gotta eat a balanced meal, right?
NC - Just go or i'll fine you right now for annoying me.
Dr. P. - Tony i'd like to schedule another meeting with you. When is best for you?
TS - Usually after Bristol......
NC - GET HIM OUT OF HERE!
TS - Gotta go. Eat Fresh - Race HARD!
Tony leaves. NASCAR and Dr. P are still in the room looking at each other.
NS - Think that will work?
Dr. P. - Should. If not you still have that left over Matt Kenseth Robot you can replace him with.
NS - Na, That will never work. the robot demanded more money after the season ended because he won more races than matt and claimed he could have looked "much better" in the Gatorage commercial.
Dr. P and NASCAR start laughing to the point were milk starts coming out of there nose...................
And there you have it.
Who ever is going to look for Tony's balls i suggest you start looking in NASCAR's back pocket. They probley there for safe keeping.....
Dave
Friday, April 27, 2007
Schilling dares media to prove sock is fake
And offer up a million bucks!
Schilling on his blog http://www.38pitches.com/ is now offering a million dollars to the charity of choice to anyone who wants to have his sock tested to prove it is/isn't blood. If it is blood (and we all hope it is) the the individual/corporation who has the sock tested will have to pony up $1,000,000.00 to Curt's ALS charity, if proven it not blood, Curt will pony up $1,000,000.00 to the charity of the there choice. THAT IS AWESOME. Somebody has got to accept that offer. That has to be the ultimate double-dog-dare!
Gary Thorne had back off of his original statement saying he "misunderstood" Mirabelli's statement. What a load of crap....
How could you misunderstand? You have been covering hockey for how many years? Ever heard in interview with a hockey player? Sounds like two 1st grades discussing nuclear physics, and for some reason you "misunderstood" Doug. (a man who speaks perfect English and the only man alive who can catch Wakefield's knuckleball).
I really, really, really, want someone to take Curt up on his bet and, I'm only guessing, but i really think someone will. I have a few people in mind i would like to see step forward.
#1 - John Henry and the boston red sox.
Sure the 1st thing a yankee fan would think is that they had to do it. How else could they cover up the fact it was paint? But to me this would be the ultimate show of support to Curt (and also he might not be soo pissed anymore he did not get a contract extension over the winter).
#2 - George Steinbrenner - New York Yankee's
If anyone could say "OH-YEA?" to the ultimate double-dog-dare it would be Georgie. I could just see him up in his office sitting there and then jumping up from his chair (like an 18yr old who just got caught by his mom pulling it in the bathroom) and saying "F-IT!, why not. They hate me anyway, let stir the pot a little more!". That would be classic.
#3 - Boston Rob from survivor. Standing at a podium screaming "Curt Schilling is GOD!"
#4 - Big Poppy.. Just so he could look at the camera and say "YEA, I got his back".
#5 - A-rod. He needs a tax write off this year.
Your thoughts are welcome.
Dave
Schilling on his blog http://www.38pitches.com/ is now offering a million dollars to the charity of choice to anyone who wants to have his sock tested to prove it is/isn't blood. If it is blood (and we all hope it is) the the individual/corporation who has the sock tested will have to pony up $1,000,000.00 to Curt's ALS charity, if proven it not blood, Curt will pony up $1,000,000.00 to the charity of the there choice. THAT IS AWESOME. Somebody has got to accept that offer. That has to be the ultimate double-dog-dare!
Gary Thorne had back off of his original statement saying he "misunderstood" Mirabelli's statement. What a load of crap....
How could you misunderstand? You have been covering hockey for how many years? Ever heard in interview with a hockey player? Sounds like two 1st grades discussing nuclear physics, and for some reason you "misunderstood" Doug. (a man who speaks perfect English and the only man alive who can catch Wakefield's knuckleball).
I really, really, really, want someone to take Curt up on his bet and, I'm only guessing, but i really think someone will. I have a few people in mind i would like to see step forward.
#1 - John Henry and the boston red sox.
Sure the 1st thing a yankee fan would think is that they had to do it. How else could they cover up the fact it was paint? But to me this would be the ultimate show of support to Curt (and also he might not be soo pissed anymore he did not get a contract extension over the winter).
#2 - George Steinbrenner - New York Yankee's
If anyone could say "OH-YEA?" to the ultimate double-dog-dare it would be Georgie. I could just see him up in his office sitting there and then jumping up from his chair (like an 18yr old who just got caught by his mom pulling it in the bathroom) and saying "F-IT!, why not. They hate me anyway, let stir the pot a little more!". That would be classic.
#3 - Boston Rob from survivor. Standing at a podium screaming "Curt Schilling is GOD!"
#4 - Big Poppy.. Just so he could look at the camera and say "YEA, I got his back".
#5 - A-rod. He needs a tax write off this year.
Your thoughts are welcome.
Dave
Yankee's slide, Boston rolls and notes from around the league
Yankee's loose there 6th straight. Johnny Damon (and i quote) "There's going to be some panic soon if we do not start winning". A couple thoughts on this statement.
#1 - We now see exactly how much starting pitching is worth. Phil Hughes was not that bad but the kid is not pitching in triple a anymore. (plus he's only 20)
#2 - A.J. Burnett was fantastic last night. He had command of every single pitch he threw and keep the "bronx bombers" off balance all night.
#3 - If Vernon Wells is getting hot. If all the stories were not about a-rod we might start talking about Well's start (of for that fact Cleveland's Travis Hafner). But only local sports writes pay attention to Canada and Cleveland.
#4 - This is there longest loosing streak since 2005 and to make it worst there now one game behind the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in the standings. Living here in Connecticut you can almost hear Red Sox nation walking around with there chest out.
- Speaking of the Red Sox,
The only thing that saved Beckett last night was Wily Mo's granny. I like Josh, hell what not to like about a 95mph fastball. But half the time he spends on the mound his face looks like he's gotta take a crap. Every time he doesn't get the for a strike on a close pitch he breaks out the Patton Manning face. (Thank you Bill Simmons).
- Colon strikes out 11....
Holy crap, Who saw THAT coming?
He was awesome last night. I truly believe that the batters were distracted by the fact that #1 he's still pitching in the league, and he now has a striking resemblance to Captain Caveman.
- Giants will 8th straight. No homers for Barry thought. Watching the high lites of the game last night there playing excellent small ball.
- One highlight you have to see is Tony Clark (Who with the grey hair looks 10 years older than he actually is) Destroying a baseball. 409ft homer, NICE......
WHAT TO WATCH FOR THIS WEEKEND
Big Unit vs. Big head(bonds)
Yankee's vs. Red Sox (yawn, unless there going to be a bench clearing brawl there's no reason to watch. Prediction, Sox sweep again).
NFL draft (noon time ESPN) See who goes 1 threw 10 then change the channel.
Tigers / Twins
Cubs / Cardinals
Dodgers / Padres
And last but not least........................
TALLADEGA BABY.....
Wait for "the big one" then clean up the mess and go racing....
Should be an interesting weekend with Tony's comments about the "mystery cautions". Lets see how NASCAR plays it this weekend with everyone watching the track when/if a caution comes out for deb re.
Besides the 500 this is the must see race of the year. I am interested to see how montoya handles the draft. Especially if Kyle Busch, JR. or Stewart get behind him and give him a little "tap" to get him out of the way.
Dave
#1 - We now see exactly how much starting pitching is worth. Phil Hughes was not that bad but the kid is not pitching in triple a anymore. (plus he's only 20)
#2 - A.J. Burnett was fantastic last night. He had command of every single pitch he threw and keep the "bronx bombers" off balance all night.
#3 - If Vernon Wells is getting hot. If all the stories were not about a-rod we might start talking about Well's start (of for that fact Cleveland's Travis Hafner). But only local sports writes pay attention to Canada and Cleveland.
#4 - This is there longest loosing streak since 2005 and to make it worst there now one game behind the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in the standings. Living here in Connecticut you can almost hear Red Sox nation walking around with there chest out.
- Speaking of the Red Sox,
The only thing that saved Beckett last night was Wily Mo's granny. I like Josh, hell what not to like about a 95mph fastball. But half the time he spends on the mound his face looks like he's gotta take a crap. Every time he doesn't get the for a strike on a close pitch he breaks out the Patton Manning face. (Thank you Bill Simmons).
- Colon strikes out 11....
Holy crap, Who saw THAT coming?
He was awesome last night. I truly believe that the batters were distracted by the fact that #1 he's still pitching in the league, and he now has a striking resemblance to Captain Caveman.
- Giants will 8th straight. No homers for Barry thought. Watching the high lites of the game last night there playing excellent small ball.
- One highlight you have to see is Tony Clark (Who with the grey hair looks 10 years older than he actually is) Destroying a baseball. 409ft homer, NICE......
WHAT TO WATCH FOR THIS WEEKEND
Big Unit vs. Big head(bonds)
Yankee's vs. Red Sox (yawn, unless there going to be a bench clearing brawl there's no reason to watch. Prediction, Sox sweep again).
NFL draft (noon time ESPN) See who goes 1 threw 10 then change the channel.
Tigers / Twins
Cubs / Cardinals
Dodgers / Padres
And last but not least........................
TALLADEGA BABY.....
Wait for "the big one" then clean up the mess and go racing....
Should be an interesting weekend with Tony's comments about the "mystery cautions". Lets see how NASCAR plays it this weekend with everyone watching the track when/if a caution comes out for deb re.
Besides the 500 this is the must see race of the year. I am interested to see how montoya handles the draft. Especially if Kyle Busch, JR. or Stewart get behind him and give him a little "tap" to get him out of the way.
Dave
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